I am processing a situation which concerns fellow believers I met in Dallas at DTS. I think I am grieving the loss of relationship and ministry but, I think more deeply than that, I am being mortified by the effects of harbored sin. The Lord has just about rooted out all my lesser fears but one I still selfishly struggle to let go of is the fear of being disqualified from the ministry of the gospel.
I know the cure for that is placing ALL my fear in Him – but that requires a lot of faith and abdicating my right to have my own little places and times where I am master. But those times and places end up being so empty anyways. When I place all my fear in Him, I am satisfied by His provision which occurs exactly because He is present, and He is Boss. The sin I leave room for becomes the little reservations and appointments I make for “me” time without accountability. They not only lead to disaster, they are the travesty of my daily walk. How can I proclaim His sufficiency when I keep supplementing my life with my own medicines? I believe God can use anyone, but the minister who does not live what he preaches cuts himself off from the blessing of God’s presence that he hopes to confer on his audience.
Those of us who weep now, who grieve the loss now, who go into mourning at this time, can hope for a future perfection, a future joy. May I never stop repenting as the Lord shines His Light on my entire life and living!